#or multiple rewrites actually
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I miss you Polyester
Sorry for being so busy ššš school has got me WORKING š
#I donāt think I shouldāve joined 5 clubs tbh#ššš#Iām planning on joining another#guys#im cooked#fried#toasted#š#I donāt even have the mental time to think#schools so exhausting#I might just not answer for hours#or days#depending tbh#either way Iām a survivor#the outsiders#ao3 writer#fanfic#:3#se hinton#write#writer#shhh if you read all my tags#Iām working on a new fic š#a long fic š¶#and even a rewrite š#or multiple rewrites actually#stay tuned š#oh and also#Iām planning to come back spring of next year#jk š
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need more old men cherik

hrrmmm last stand cherik where are you
widower Erik at the end of that movie damn
i wish they kept it so he didnāt get his powers back at the end he needs to struggle from time to time
lost the love of his life AND his whole reason of being
put some more on his plate Iām sure itāll fit š (itās already overflowing)
i need to see his reaction to Charles being alive
THE MAN DOESNT STAY DEAD
pookie a cockroach forreal š§
if he was younger he would jump up and down in joy but now he would break a hip
calm down old man
āCharles Xavier did more for mutants than you would ever know, my single greatest regret is that he had to die for our dream to liveā
ho you gay? š¤Ø
(yes)
defending his man
he was ready to beat pyroās ass to next week
damn thinking how Erik had to see Charles die ā¹ļø
āCHARLES!ā FUCKKKKK šššš
god these tragic ass motherfuckers making me go insane
i know for a fact he cried offscreen you cannot tell me otherwise
i love seeing edits that switch between their old and young selves
ah gayness through the ages
āyou think weāre dramatic now? you should have seen us in our thirtiesā
lol š
#IāVE HAD TO REWRITE THIS TWICE SO FAR I SWEAR TO GOD#thank god i have good memory šæ#why does tumblr keep crashing i need to feed the masses#i need more old cherik screen time but with actual callbacks to the prequels#they keep giving me inconsistent shit pissing me off#thank god i like the multiverse theory i am perfectly happy with the multiple timelines thing#BUT I WOULD LIKE ONE CONSISTENT STORY STOP CHANGING IT UP#get me in the writers booth iām taking over#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#x men#professor x#magneto#xmcu#wish does not shut up
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MCD except the Divine Warriors are Actual Gods(TM) and are looking down from their little divine perches and occasionally go "what the actual fuck guys" to their champions/decendants
#i have a whole AU concept for this lmao#irini is observing s1 adoni (Aphmau) like āwhy are you putting all the attractive villiagers in one house. just. whyā#plot twist her ACTUAL champion is Vylad#adoni is simply a divine gift to the world that she felt like sending#adoni may or may not be pandora#Eamonn (esmund) is very exasperated by garroth at all times but he still prefers him to zane#the only way zane escapes being smited by multiple gods is because he has divine protection#not from irini#from xavier#because xavier is like ābut. but i like his partner and theyd be sad if he died :[ā#his partner is janus and they might be a decendant maybe???#memphis (menphia) sneakily gives katelyn boosts because I Like Her Shut Up Eamonn#kul'zac remains unproblematic in all ways#enki is yelling at travis to Take Notes on his demonic heritage#sycar is... being sycar about Aaron#divine warriors#minecraft diaries#mcd#mcd rewrite#lady irini#eamonn the protector#esmund the protector#enki the keeper#kul'zac the wanderer#menphia the fury#memphis the fury#lady irene#xavier the admirer#xavier the silver death
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bit that may or may not have to get cut, but I like it so I'm gonna share it here
#original#writing a thing#minecraft gt story#I'm rewriting a section to make it better and having to try multiple times#I thought I was just gonna rewrite a little but I'm actually rewriting a much bigger chunk#so it's taking a bit
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.
#usually when i like multiple pairings for a character i imagine them separately#but i actually think itās 100000000% more fun to imagine banilich and sethlich occurring simultaneously#Lichs Tormentuous Nightmare#sorry the text of the post was gonna be āi love banilichā but then I made it about something else in the tags and Iām tired and donāt want#to rewrite them in the meat of the post
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argh. This comic writing is taking me way longer than usual. I keep editing things and it doesnāt feel right.
#wip#i think I finally got it#The issue is usually plots come to me formed yk#But for this one#I did have a plot but it was more related to Chil having a v bad experience and Mei hearing about it and then him telling her#Not to go thru with her plans to become involved with adventures in a sort of threatening way#So I had that all sketched out and then randomly I decided I wanted more drama#so initially I extended it and had it be that maybe she tried to hug him or something but he reacted Badly bc of his aforementioned shit#But I didnāt like that and it felt jarring and sort ofā¦over dramatic. Too much.#So then I got rid of that. And then I was like well maybe he and Mei should actually have a conversation about it#Like he brings it up#So I wrote that and I had him get really mad at her and let that sit around for a minute bc uh-oh thereās another problem#Seee the issue with doimg multiple rewrites of something is suddenly the part that was initially meant to be the focus. Is not important#Anymore and is actually distracting from the main point#So OK I delete all that and rewrite that to make it less distracting#Still keep the important buildup in that scene but focus on Mei more bc this is a comic thatās from her pov#Ok ok yeah. I like that. But THEN#UH OH NEW PROBLEM. ! Remember that He gets really mad scene? The one I let sit to go worry about the middle section#Well. Haha. I read the whole comic back again to check for flow and shit#Get to the end#WOW ITS OUT OF CHARACTER AND JARRING. Heās not mean or anything I just donāt think heād yell in that sort of emotional way?#I got so lost in the sauce I forgot to write good#So now Iām stuck. Itās so out of character so obviously I get rid of that problem.#Change it so he does still yell but less and also differently. and also now Mei gets to be pissed tf off#and tied it into several previous comics since I like things to be connected to each other#I think?? I think Iām happy with it nowā¦but Jesus Christ#I donāt usually have to do Any rewrites#And the number of other comics I want to do is piling up so I take breaks to sketch those out for later#Then return. To my undoing.
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Wow this sucks
#Iām literally gonna cry wtf#Iāve been trying to get back into writing so I was going through some old journals and reading the poems I wrote back in 2015#and I left my favorite pages sitting on top of my notebook on my bed and my familyās dog came in while I wasnāt looking and destroyed it all#like theyāre completely gone#some of the few pieces of writing from my teenage years that Iām actually proud of and wanted to revisit and itās completely destroyed#Iāve found 2 scraps and theyāve got about 4 words in total#this was multiple pages full of writing#this is so discouraging I donāt even want to write anything now#like I started taking an online poetry workshop last week trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and maybe possibly move in the#direction of trying to get some of my poems put out there#and Iāve been in a huge writing slump for the last like year#and I was hoping this might get me out of it but now I donāt have any motivation to do it#I just wanna cry#I canāt go back to being a teenager again I canāt rewrite the way I felt back then#and now itās really gone forever#Iām so sick and im working 3 jobs and I just want to be creative again but Iām tired#and Iām about to get hit by this giant hurricane#Iām really overwhelmed I think this was just the straw that broke the camels back#brb gonna go cry myself to sleep over lost poetry#sorry this is me venting feel free to ignore this#vent post#will probably delete after Iāve gotten more than 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep
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I'm going to try and finish at least one (1) fic this month even if it kills me bc jfc I'm losing my mind at how much I wanna finish sth and just keep stalling gfdi
#It'll probably be Information Asymmetry bc I have half the chapter written#I've legit struggled to get back to it mainly bc the actual stuff I've written is like... Not Exactly What I Want#And that's irritating tf outta me#I need to re read the whole part and then try and get the last chapter sorted#I'll give myself a challenge I think since it's starting to turn to summer#And my brain is full on making my body think 3/4 hours of sleep is Restful#Insomnia and summer sunshine is a horrid combination#Add in adhd meds that make my body and brain more focused and I'm kinda shit outta luck lmao#So yeah. Next few days I'm gonna look over what I've got for Information Asymmetry#And the rest of Signalling Theory series#Which means going through OneNote where I have All My Notes (there are multiple notebooks for the series lmao bc I'm a nerd)#And trying to actually get what is in my head out in text form to make it flow#I may need to do some arting to help my brain out#I do need to rewrite a scene already to work with the art piece I started for the last chapter#But I also gotta admit to myself that this might not be the Last Chapter of IA#Even tho I Really Planned It To Be#I'd like to blame all the fanfic writers I love and follow who also cannot constrain the chapter count#Y'all awful influences lmao#Nah I'm kidding. Y'all the fuckin BEST#Anyway#Kat talks#I have an Epic The Musical fic that's also started itself into existence which fuck knows what that's gonna do...
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guys this is so humiliating and embarrassing but i want to talk about it and you already know some of it anyway. basically my psychotic emergency room experience that ive talked about on here was brought about by edibles and i cant ever say that because it makes it seem like something it really wasnt. i took a normal reasonable amount & reacted completely differently than in the past. they thought i was just really really high off 1000000mg of weed. honestly it was a blessing because there was no mental health treatment involved and it could have been way worse for me. they just let me leave in the morning when i regained contact with reality
#i refuse to tell my psychiatrist or anyone -_-#my previous psychiatrist KNEW without me telling him because they took me to the hospital at the same university that program was at#but he never brought it up#tbh this is one of the reason blur turns to haze was healing for me because i could rewrite history to not include that#but my personal blur turns to haze is i was trying to time travel basically and there were multiple timelines and loops and#i remember trying to get the paramedics to say specific code words that would fix it or verify i was in the correct timeline#kind of inception vibes. but actually not it was way scarier#and then at the hospital people were being tortured and tehre was a gas chamber and everyone was making fun of me#and so on#and like ive been high before i know what its like. and there were specific aspects of being high that i somehow took and made different#and more evil. like disruption of time obviously is a weed thing
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Feverishly writing out my wildly Americanized Stex reimagining concept. So much goes the way of āImmer pünktlichā in that it works so well in ways it was never intended to, and makes no sense outside of one regional audience (and people who have physically gone there by train)
I need to iron out some stuff but hopefully Iāll post the whole concept soon. It would be moderately sacrilegious, but also weirdly bring it in line with how the Railways Series was written (heavily rooted in how trains actually were at the time). While also providing some surprisingly elegant solutions to some long-term problems the show has, and implement a lot of stuff itās tried to do over the years in really clunky half-baked ways.
āStarlight Express, Are you real, yes or no/I donāt want you to goā goes from āhaha train godā to āpassenger trains nearly vanished from the US altogether after WWII largely due to the governmentās actions and those are genuine reflections of thatā. The fundamental thing is you need to totally rewrite the Starlight Sequence to be about āyou alone are an engine not a trainā and emphasize that banding together as a group is the actual way to make systemic change (and also one of the main strengths of trains!).
Just saying, in the 80s (and even now) a steam engine as the high-maintenance celebrity whoās a neutral but obstructive figure with an entourage who follows them around is a fun and accurate depiction of mainline excursions (and the problems they cause can so fun and versatile to explore)
And New York City is right at the epicenter of where passenger rail was repeatedly set up to fail by the government, and how dated and worn out many electrified lines are is perhaps the most visible and vulnerable symbol of that.
A kid playing with a mismatched train set half consisting of their grandpaās decades-old rails and wiring and wondering why the new engine they got for Christmas doesnāt work well is a very on the nose depiction of Amtrak in the 70s-early 80s. They think about what to ask for their birthday, toy cars? Planes? Tanks? And then a funny crowd of voices yells āTRAINS!ā
āCoach sexismā becomes actually compelling in the context of how the position of US passenger rail and women in the workplace vaguely correlate post-WWII, the steam heat/head end power changeover around the 60s-80s is an underrated metaphor for orientation (and give Pearl even more depth as a glass slipper if you make her a then-new Amfleet car), and with an electric protag you can finally replace Hydra/Dustin with a nuclear flask and have it make a ton of sense. It feels like they wanted to make him nuclear coded so badly with how heās shown as a green-hued, sinister-looking, but heroic alternative energy, but itās total sci fi to apply it to a steam locomotive.
Oh yeah, itās also a blank check to bring back Slick and/or barely-modified Trucker Caboose, along with a lot of other popular old things that suddenly fit again (Dinahās Disco, OLC Belle, Thereās Me)
#iāve talked about the nuclear flask thing before but an actually realistic one is perfect for stex#actually theyāre one thing that works well in the uk too because there was a notorious test video where they SLAMMED one with a diesel loco#and obliterated the thing but the flask was fine#also lol this version is much nicer than my more elaborate wip rewrite that gets WAY more political and bashes multiple sacred cows#that oneās just for personal amusement because it has maximum sacrilege just to see if i could do it
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man, people get so angry about anything critical in public ao3 bookmark notes and like I get feeling hurt if it's something you come across accidentally but also that literally is a space for readers to . recommend fics to other people. and readers should be allowed to provide nuance and caveats to those recommendations without being told they're terrible people and the reason people stop writing.
like! there are many things people do that are truly terrible, like add fics to collections labeled 'absolute trash do not re-read' or whatever, which the author cannot help but see, and bookmarking a fic just to say that it's terrible and you shouldn't read it is just. honestly kind of bizarre behavior, like. I don't even understand the purpose of that beyond trying to be a jerk, tbh, but things like 'x character seemed pretty ooc but the story is excellent' is really not . a cruel thing to say to other readers.
*personally I do recommend adding a caveat like 'seemed ooc to ME' or 'ymmv' but like. that's also just my personal style of recommendations.
#this post brought to you by editing my xposts of pinboard bookmarks and revising and rewriting the comment on one of the recs multiple times#trying to strike a fair enough balance between warning people that wow imo the character is ooc#but also like i really enjoyed the fic and recommend it#like. i should not be facing scrupulosity paralysis when writing recs#there's actual a longstanding tradition of fic recs and rec lists in fandom!#and traditionally they frequently DID provide commentary!#anyways I won't do it on my ao3 bookmarks#but if you come across my recs on my pinboard or my tumblr like I'm sorry those are my spaces and I'm allowed to have opinions
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i think if i tweaked some lines on my kevneil fic it could be semi-ready for posting. big if btw. iām not sure why, even. when i wrote it back in may i was so enamored w the way it turned out. then i forgot abt it lol.
little snippet bcs why not:

#half tempted to just post on anonymous n call it a day š#i think whatās bothering me is some of the prose as well as the way kevin turned outā¦.. js slightly too implausible to be thought of as#the actual kevin day lol#idek what that means like š#like the point of fanfic is to have FUN n mess around w the nuance n multiple facets of a chat star. n if this kevin iām particularly is a#little silly then whatās wrong w that ? or so i tell myself š#*character#itās fine tho. iāll figure out smth#main issue is last 200 words + needed addition of a small andrew reaction cameo#honestly i might js rewrite the entire thing LOL <- (derogatory)#my writing#snippet#kevneil
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we have a meowgraine so we're going two bed B'CC
#((ic post))#going two get our meowrail two dote on us#((#ic for ooc. it's rly bad I can't actually type I've had to rewrite everything here multiple times RIP me#offline.#))
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I know I keep saying this but I am genuinely loving this whole being so sick all I can do is write thing, I got like 800ish words on this zero draft in like 30 minutes and I would have written more if I didn't have to go to an appointment now
#vent post#not actually a vent lmao but thats the tag#(love that thats now the automatic tag that comes up when i tag vent posts lmao)#im okay btw like#my appointment this am is to find out whats going on and etc#i had a super bad infection at the end of july and got a catheter (which has been one of the most experiences ever ngl)#so hopefully today the catheter comes out!!#and hopefully today they figure out whats going on#cause i was having issues prior to the infection (as one does)#and anyway#all of this means no energy for anything other than my boys >:)#and it means fics get finished!!!#like!!!!#i am out here fucking finishing shit!!!!#now if only i could convince myself to not do full ass rewrites multiple times before proclaiming a fic finished š
#but in case anyone is worried:#i really am okay :)#like minus the infection (which i didnt even know i had until i needed the catheter tbch)#im okay!!#its just the usual chronic health bullshit and etc etc etc#you know?#anyway#love yall!!
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rewriting a bunch of my notes bc i can't read them š
#i'm talking about the notes i take while watching toku#there's a bunch of stuff i haven't made yet bc i can't quickly look through my notes to find it#esp if it's something that involves multiple episodes#i wrote this stuff so tiny and close together idk why i did that...#i've rewritten my toqger and kyuranger notes#now i'm doing zyuohger but the lupat ones will be so annoying to do#it's so much rewriting and while it helps me it's annoying#nice to have clean and easy notes in the end though āŗļø#umbrella.thoughts#umbrella.posts#lupat and ninninger will actually both be annoying bc the colors i used are to close in color when i was going back and forth between eps...#from ryusoulger on my notes are better#only started taking notes around gokaiger but they're messy from toqger to lupat
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I'm a tad concerned about the implication that Gabriel's actions would somehow be justified if Emilie was a wonderful person. Good or bad, it doesn't matter, it's always going to have an element of the bittersweet. You either get a good Emilie who is horrified by what has been done in her name or a bad Emilie who is happy and who the audience therefore dislikes. Option A is best suited to stories that take canon's ideas more seriously and focus on the nuance canon clearly wanted to include, but failed to actually write. Option B is best suited to stories that lean into the absurdity of canon, which is what Scarlet Lady does, so Zoe's choices make perfect sense. Good Emilie would make for too serious an ending, breaking the established tone.
Is Emilie's character just a joke to you, or do you just dislike kind/gentle/loving/motherly characters (like the rest of the internet)? I mean, you purposely went out of your way to portray Bustier as a terrible person and didn't even try to give her character growth. You know, actually have her BECOME a good teacher. This just makes all the Miraculous conflict over Emilie's fate (and Adrien's sadness) feel bitterly ironic, like "what was it all for" or "all of this madness, for THIS woman"?
As a matter of fact, Emilie IS a joke to me! (Literally, I'm taking shots at a character I made up and who does not exist in canon so I don't know what's got your panties in a twist) And so is Bustier! They are total jokes because it is a total farce that the show tried to portray either of these women as infallible beacons of good, motherly, perfection.
Yeah, Bustier is gentle and kind and condescending and plays favorites and ignores conflict until she literally can't. Emilie...I mean, we don't know Emilie. YOU don't know Emilie. The show does not show us Emilie. According to biased sources she was "kind/gentle/loving/motherly", but that's not supported by her actions.
How can Emilie be "motherly" AND Adrien's never had a real birthday gift? How can she be "kind" AND Adrien's only been allowed to be friend's with Chloe? How can she be "loving" AND Adrien's been trapped inside his house when he WANTS to go to school with everyone else?
As for why Bustier didn't get character growth in Scarlet Lady, it's because I didn't want to? You know, some of us HAD the "nice" teacher who actually wasn't all that great, and we just had to kinda live with it until we graduated and moved on. I'm not making time for them in my spite fic about fictional characters.
Look, it's nice you want to buy what that show is trying to sell you. If you want to believe that Bustier and Emilie are nice and wonderful and nurturing just because the characters all say that they are, be my guest. No one is stopping you. Canon is here for you.
But I'm not buying.
And in case you forgot, kind/gentle/loving/motherly people are allowed to be more than just that. They're allowed to be multi-faceted and have goals and interests outside of Being a Mom. Because moms are people to.
#Zoe's versions of Emilie and Bustier are fantastic commentaries on what canon actually gave us and I love her for it#It's not like Zoe made this shit up for fun#She took a valid route for fixing canon: embrace the events and facts we were actually given and react appropriately#Which is a fair and legitimate path to fixing canon#Especially given the type of fix she was writing#You want actual good teacher Bustier and believably good mom Emilie? Go rewrite all of canon#Because that's literally what you have to do#You have to change things like Adrien's backstory and the plot of multiple episodes#Which I'm happy to do since I don't want to write serialized stuff anyway#But Scarlet Lady is matching canon's structure and so it was honestly smart to not make big changes like that#zoe oneesama
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